As someone who is goal-oriented, one of the first things I do in a new season and/or new year is to come up with a set of goals that I can work towards.
Setting goals has been a very useful tool for me in many areas of my life from my physical goals – getting into shape and eating healthy, mental goals – reading more and taking time out of my day to sit and think, emotional goals – becoming more intune with my emotions and how it affects me as well as spiritual goals – fostering a stronger relationship with God.
As I approached this season like I normally would in others, I felt the Lord say to me “stop setting goals and start setting standards.”
My first thought was “What’s the difference?”
So I went to the dictionary, my old friend. It said this:
Goal – The result or achievement toward which effort is directed. An aim, purpose or something you want to achieve.
Standard – Something considered by an authority or by general consent as a basis of comparison; an approved model. A level of quality that people expect or generally accept as normal.
My second thought was “If it isn’t broken, why fix it?”
The reality was that what may have worked in one season of my life may not work in another season.
What God revealed to me was that goals, although good, had an expiration date on them, whereas standards suggest permanency. After 3-6 months or a year, depending on the goal I had, I would either achieve it and move on to the next one or make the necessary adjustments to continue working towards the goal.
The results of achieving the goals were good in the sense that it gave me confidence in my abilities and the satisfaction of getting something done/accomplished. However, the goals did not ensure that the thoughts, feelings and behaviors would remain.
Sometimes they did because of the nature of repetition in working towards a goal through creating habits but more times than not when the goal was achieved or stopped, the thoughts, feelings and behaviors that came with them also stopped. Sometimes depending on the goal, I would revert back to my old ways of doing things once the goal was achieved.
Standards on the other hand, offer permanency by creating a basis/model for how you live. It ensures a certain level of quality that needs to be upheld in your daily living.
As an adjective, one definition states that “standards serve as a basis of weight, measure, value, comparison, or judgment.”
Standards do have the ability to change and will most likely change as you change. Some people change their standards in food once they have been exposed to a higher quality of food. These people are often robbed of enjoying the sweet & simple tastes of a delicious burger from Mcdonalds and have moved on to the finer gourmet burgers in life (just kidding).
When standards serve as a basis/model for your life, they have the ability to impact more than just yourself. Here’s an example:
My wife loves to read. One of her favorite pastimes is to crack open a book and read for hours at a time. I’ve seen her read on the balcony in the rain, on a bench outside, and on our bean bag chair, even in bed. Literally anywhere and everywhere. If she has a chance to read, she will. She often has 3-4 books on the go.
Myself on the other hand, reads for function. In the sense that I like to read things that can serve a purpose in my life and have a practical application. No offense to avid readers and those who read fiction. I’m sure it has its place. For me, in order to get myself to read, I had to set goals that would motivate and entice me to read. I can proudly say that I have improved in this area of reading and am still growing my capacity to read.
What has really given me a growth spurt in this area of reading was creating a standard for myself and my family. I have seen the benefits of reading through my current experience in school and have developed an acquired taste for gaining knowledge on personal development.
The reality was that my wife already had a standard for herself when it came to reading and I was simply catching up. But what hit me was that if I wanted my future kids to read just like their mother, we would need to make reading normal. We would need to create a standard of reading in our household.
If our children saw my wife reading and not me reading, would the chances of them reading be 50/50? What would I say to my future child, if they asked me “How come you don’t read dad?” or “Why do mom and I have to read but you don’t?”
I realized that if I wanted my future children to read and understand the value of reading, we had to make reading a standard in our household. Having a goal to read was not going to cut it for me. I had to tell myself “The Pubalasingams read.” It’s not just my wife, it’s not just me, it is our entire family unit.
I used to tell people that my wife reads a lot and I can barely get through a book. This is still true in the sense that my wife has years of practice reading and creating habits that foster her ability to read, plus she genuinely enjoys it, whereas I grew up watching ample amounts of television and reading as an alternative was not going to cut it for me. But with our new standards, I am learning to change my own narratives and create new ones. I am learning to grow in an area that I’m not comfortable in for the sake of my family and future generations.
What are your standards? What are the standards for your family? Do you pray before you eat? Do you eat meals together? Do you volunteer at the 415 food hub? Do you attend church on a Sunday? Do you cook meals for those who are in need? Do you watch movies together?